WHENEVER I’M WITH MY MOTHER,
I FEEL AS THOUGH I HAVE TO SPEND
THE WHOLE TIME AVOIDING LANDMINES.
~AMY TAN
If you think you’ve seen that Amy Tan quote before, you probably have seen it here as I tend to use it when talking about my poor late mother. While she would probably not describe our relationship as fractious and fraught with drama, I would. I probably knew her better than any person on earth (no offense to my brother), yet describing her is not easy for me.
If you watched Murphy Brown in the 1980s, you might have seen a show where Frank (played by the great Joe Regalbuto) threw a surprise 50th anniversary party for his parents even though they didn’t want a party. He tried to avoid it because of their constant negativity, but he finally agreed, and everyone gathered at Murphy’s house to celebrate. His parents, of course, were upset, not so much because he had the party, but because he held it at Murphy’s house and not a fancy hotel.
Fed up, Frank exclaims (something to the effect), “You’re never satisfied with what I do for or give to you. You drive me crazy.”
“We’re Italian! We’re Catholic!” his father yells back. “You act too happy, God will take it all away from you.”
That was my mother in a nutshell. God bless her.
It took me a long time, but I came to realize how difficult her life was both before and after my birth. Today isn’t the time to go into all of that, but suffice to say that I’m glad I was able to grow up enough to deal with her without pulling every hair off of my head in frustration. Oh, there were still times I would listen to her complaints, but instead of blowing up, I’d smile and go into another room where I’d beat the poor pillows.
As I sit in Italy for the second Mothers’ Day in a row, I’m thinking of her, her mother, and all the mother-women who were part of my life. Happy Mothers’ Day to all of you up there and/or wherever you may be.
And, thank you. Da cuore.
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